Timmy turns 40!

Just a few pics.  I left early with April. 

Shooter Jennings

Shooter Jennings.  I met (saw) him in an airport once around 2005ish??  I was standing in line to board and turned to a friend who was about 10 people back with my eyes as wide as pancakes.  I whispered "There's Shooter Jennings!"

He said "what?"   I whispered louder (like anyone cared or knew), "Shooter Jennings...Shooter Jennings!" and pointed.   Chad still couldn't understand what I was saying so I ran out of line to tell him "Shooter Jennings! That's Shooter Jennings in front of me!!"

I don't think anyone but Chad and I knew who Shooter Jennings was, but maybe.  Chad said "you HAVE to get his autograph !"  I thought no way, nada.   Me? Yeah, like I'd ever do something like that.

He had big, dark sunglasses on, was tiny and it was probably 1am.  I sat about two rows back and it was neat listening to he and his band talking excitedly over a new record during the flight.  (Not sure the "Carolina" song was on radio yet????)

I called my niece Jessie to tell her I was near Shooter Jennings while getting off the plane.  Jessie was engaged to Jason at that time, I think, and Jason loved Shooter Jennings music. Jessie said, "Marna, you HAVE to get his autograph for Jason!"  Or maybe Jason heard and said that I had to get his autograph.   It's been too long to remember. I said, "I dunno..."

Well, through a set of doors we went and he was alone with his back turned.  Bashful and shy I managed to steel myself up and walk over to him.  At the wrong time!  He was adjusting a big ole outlaw type belt buckle, his shirt and jeans. Thus the reason his back was turned to everyone. (Blush inserted here).

Mortified I blurted out,  "Mr. Jennings, my soon to be nephew is a big fan.  May I have an autograph for him?"

Geez I thought to myself.  He's probably thinking, who is this woman and I guess she's not a fan because she asked for the autograph for someone else.  "He said sure!" while finishing buckling his buckle  (me, mortified still) and signed something I had.  What?  I don't remember....

I turned to get outta there thinking Jessie Hutsell Lovingood you better appreciate this and Shooter Jennings did you not learn anything from your dad's life - I hope those big black sunglasses were for being "cool" and incognito, not from drugs at 3 am in the morning.  What would Waylon  and Jessi Colter think?  ;)

Oh, btw, I was then and still am a SJ fan.  The autograph wasn't just for Jason.  If I weren't a fan and if it was only a task for Jason, I wouldn't have been so nervous and reluctant and accosted him.   Geez.   What a moment for memories.   Maybe I'll go to that concert......

Goodie Bag

It's up to you to know when a sack full of goodies is really a sack full of empty egg cartons.

Hand Eye Coordianation

Casting For Recovery photo disk finally arrived from the event.  I was nervous looking through over 1000 pics!  I found this one.  I was getting upset and frustrated because i was just discovering 5 years after chemo my brain and hands do not coordinate anymore.  I wonder if our instructor saw.   She basically had to tie all my knots.  All day.

Yoga, heart attack and sore arms

I text my niece "my arms ache. Bad." She text back, "yoga or heart attack". Umm, yoga but saying heart attack makes me feel VERY old.......thanks......where's that popcorn..............

Life isn't static

Learned lot during ny 43 yrs.  When confronted to life changing events one reacts and become better & stronger or either the opposite is chosen from perhaps weakess and fear or belief you're correct.

Life doesn't stay static!!! Those events are opportunities for choice; which reaction you take.  Which road you split.

In turn in the future the reaction/choice  you made in the past will affect those life events, life changing choices you, yourself will be faced with someday.  Your own.life changing event or events --  How will your past dececions affect you present?  Will your choice be different for strength or turn back to fear?  Will you regret the choice made during the first life alternating event and react in a new way.  Or will you be unable to break from perhaps guilt to once again choose a path which will lead you into deeper blackness or a choice you're perfectly at peace with.

(I'll be editing because I have honestly no idea exactly what point I'm trying to make and how to make it.)

Emma Lee Hull

But if you build a relationship with your mother-in-law you can love two.  Not a replacement mother but one who loves your husband as much as you love her.  You love your baby boy, Chris, as much as I love you,   Emma Lee Hull.

And although I fail at times I aspire to love Chris as you do....you're an amazing mother who loves her children fiercely (whom I hope is considered one) live an inspiring life and loved by all who've know you and Emma Lee your life touches those who have never met you through stories heard from friends and family and family and friends of what a strong, loyal, faithful friend, Strong Christian and the type of person one would love to be friends with.

(This post cannot express what I'm trying to say.  Maybe there are no words. But the point I'm trying to make is all jumbled up now.)

Soon

Soon.  Soon I will write blogs but I feel tired and old.

Blog posts on Diesel's death, Chris's mom's terminal illness, my great niece's 8th grade graduation and several others.

Soon.  I hope soon to feel like writing. ...

Spending the Night

Chris's brother Steve has lived with their mama for probably going on 15 years. Chris spent the night at his mom's the other night and plans to as many nights as possible.

As I talked with Emma tonight she asked if I cared if Chris spent the night tonight?   I said of course not and he should do so as many nights as possible.   I told her it was good for him and her...

Chris's mama.

All the family is so devastated about dealing with Emma Lee's cancer diagnosis.  It's almost surreal to think about her dying as she's so healthy, on the outside, right now. Some of the family is in denial, some not facing the reality of life and death.  All tremendously sad with fits of crying spells you fear will never end.

We just talked on the phone.  She had just finished a plate of chicken and dumplings and fussing about the cough I've had for what's going on a month.  When hanging up the nagging thought which continues to persist rises again....what is worse....waiting to watch Emma Lee's health decline unto death or a sudden, unexpected loss such as my brother's, mother's and father's?

All I know is they all suck a big toe.  (My go to, feel bad expression.)

And that's all I gotta say about that.

Four Organizations Accused of Cancer Funding Fraud

$187 million scam for cancer funding

Cancer Scams...

I'm very upset, but not surprised, about the news of four cancer charities accused of $180 million in scams.

Reasons I'm reluctant to give to cancer charities?  Even as a survivor?  These.  I do not support Komen nor many national organizations.   I prefer donations be kept in county.  Unfortunately there are no major fund raising happening in Monroe County to do so.  One local program can assist with gas $.  However there is need for help with co-pays, transportation, prevention programs, dectection programs, Hospice care expenses. The list is so long as to what services locally are needed.

Perhaps. Perhaps research is getting plenty of the pie...


Local funding? Sounds like a blog for later....

MRI

Chris's mom's MRI results back today.  No cancer in brain!!!  And she can drive!  Wish I'd had a video of that-I think she jumped up and shouted "thank you Jesus" louder then than any other time when the news came she could drive--as long as she has strength too.  Bless it.......   ha ha  :)

What to do for Emma Lee

I've been receiving many calls and texts about Chris's mama. Yes. Her cancer has returned. With a vengeance. But right now she is her wonderful,  sweet, perky, happy self.  However,  Emma Lee has been told not to drive. To everyone who knows she has the Hull want to go, go, go gene, not driving will be a difficult adjustment.  She loves to go!  And can conttinue to go, go, go just fine right now with those she normally "runs around" with. Just not as the driver.

Wondering about visiting?  Friends please do.  Especially within next month while she is feeling good.  Go while she's feeling well so she can get much enjoyment from friends.  Like I said, she's ok right now.  For now.

Wondering what to do if you can't visit?  CARDS!!!!  She loves, loves, loves cards.  I cannot emphasize enough how much so.  Thinking of you cards would be wonderful!!  From anyone and everyone who knows her or anyone in the family or friends of the family.

Mail to:  Emma Lee Hull, 102 Hiwassee Dr, Madisonville, TN 37354.

Her son, Steve, lives with her so he'd be a great one to ask if she's needing or wanting anything particular.

Continue to pray particularly for comfort for of course Emma Lee, but also her children who are so beloved to her:  Bridget, Steve, Perry and of course the "baby" Chris.  As well as the rest of the family to whom she is beloved.

Endurance

Enduring one hardship in life does not make us immune to more.  Stay strong should you be faced with a situation such as that.  Don't become bitter and ask "why me....again.  it's not fair".  Keep the Faith.

Sticking with Dr. Charles

I had written about Dr. Charles leaving Thompson Oncology and my dilemma of following him to UT.

I'm following.   Today was my first day to see him since "the letter" and my potentially last appointment ever with the oncologist who i credit saving my life.  I knew the minute my appointment started I'd follow. But was secure in that decision when, following my appointment, Dr Charles had my mother-in-law for a follow-up to her PET scan.

Tragic news he delivered.   Chris's mother's cancer is back and is terminal.   She has 3-4 months to live without treatment,  7-8 with. As quality of life is preferred the family decided to forgo treatment.  MRI to check brain tomorrow.  Hthospice in home within the week.

What hard news to deliver.  The way it was, even though blunt, showed me Dr. Charles is the oncologist for me.  Hopefully no changes in remission in the future of my life.  However, should there be I'll deal with my aversion to UT then.

Something Wrong

My blog background isn't supposed to be red!

Breast Cancer Myth Article Must Read

Think and worry about breast cancer as most women do?  This myth article is a MUST read!!! Touches on issues such as self exams, genetics and birth control pills.  I rarely use "must read", however I feel strongly about this article and research involved.  But remember it is only an opinion piece as many are.  Let me know what you think in the comments sections!

Five Myths about Breast Cancer

Everyone Loved Lucy

Everyone loved Lucy.  We miss her so much at the Trustee's office and cannot imagine the pain of her family.  Thirty years of dedicated service to Monroe County.  Below is the obituary with details of receiving friends and burial.  Everyone loved Lucy...

Lucille Garrett
Born: January 19, 1948
Died: May 7, 2015
Garrett, Lucille (Lucy), age 67, of Madisonville, passed away 8:05 A.M. Thursday, May 7, 2015 at her home. Member of Watson Chapel Baptist Church & Attended Unity Baptist Church. A 30 year employee with Monroe Co. Trustee Office. Member of the Pilot Club and a past President of the Monroe Co. Republican party. Survivors, husband of 47 years, Carl Garrett, Son & daughter-in-law, Tony & Robin Garrett, Grandson, Blake Garrett, Sister, Diana Martin, Brothers & sisters-in-law, Amos & Barbara Martin, all of Madisonville, Gerald & Judy Martin, Niota, Mildred Martin, Erma Martin, both of Madisonville, A host of nieces & nephews. Preceded in death by parents, William J. (Bill) & Fannie Belle Fain Martin, brothers, W.B. & Dwayne Martin. Funeral 8 P.M. Sunday, Biereley-Hale Chapel, Rev. John Butler & Rev. B.J. Wall officiating. Interment 11 A.M. Monday, Chestua Baptist Cemetery. Family will receive friends 6-8 P.M. Sunday at Biereley-Hale Funeral Home, Madisonville.

Lucy on Sunburns

I have a sunburn on my shoulders.  Lucy hated me to have sunburns and would always fuss saying "Chris shouldn't make you work out in the sun" as she laughed.  I missed that admonishment today and will each time I get a sunburn for the rest of my days. Love you Luce.

Lucy's Burial

Today was a very sad day for a family with extremely close bonds.  Lucy Garrett's burial was this morning. She was a 30 year employee of the Trustee's office of which I was privileged to know for 7 years.  She was was much beloved wife, mother, sister, friend.   I cannot imagine the grief the family is experiencing and will continue to feel for so long.  You were loved Lucy.

Mother's Day 2015

I so enjoy seeing all the Mother's Day photos.  The day, however, reminds me of Mother's Day 1990 when our sweet mother died.

Such a special lady.  My father loved her so.  He never dated nor re-married all the way till his end in 2008. We found a small sticky calendar on the dash of his truck right after his death. The only date in the entire, tiny 2008 calendar circled was her death date.  Oh what an amazing love they shared....

I hope everyone has an extra special day for Mother's Day, whether she's there to share or not, whether you're a mother or not.

Oh no! My oncologist!

I'm tragically upset.  My letter arrived.  The letter I'd heard the the grapevine was on its way. Dr. Charles, my Oncologist at Thompson Oncology Group, is transferring to University Cancer Specialist as of June 1.

I have an appointment with him Wednesday - my last to be ever.  I don't want to go.  How do I face the man I credit for saving my life one last time????  Who I would trust to save my life should there be a reoccurrence.  How do I learn to develop a relationship with a new doctor who hasn't been in the trenches with me?  I'll just be a patient who has tests twice a year and a 15 minute follow up.  And how do I even find that doctor?  The doctor who can never really KNOW me.  Who can never understand my corny jokes about "Hooters" and so many other silly things, though Dr
Charles never really laughed or liked them I suppose.  Dr. Charles would only say, "Ms. Marna" with a small smile.  My need to lighten the mood of such a depressing place was maybe at least understood by Dr. Charles.

I'm tragically sad.  Many may not understand.  But if you've faced a life and death battle with one doctor and then follow up for the years since, you'll know, you'll understand the fear that's gripping.....

Casting for Recovery donations

"Relay for Life" is fast approaching.  That makes me think--  I've never, ever promoted giving to a particular breast cancer "cause". In truth I'm skeptical about very many! But....if you want to find a breast cancer program to donate funds or gifts please, please, consider "Casting for Recovery".  I can speak from first hand knowledge your contribution goes directly toward the participants.  And the program DIRECTLY impacts breast cancer survivors lives and healing.  Like I've said, I never promote programs.  But this one I know is worthy of your support.  What an amazing weekend of fellowship.

Link for information on "Casting for Recovery":
Casting for Recovery

My trout fishing group.

"Cool"?

All you have to do to be a "cool ole" great aunt who makes great nieces look at flowers is take them to Run 21 and listen to their favorite music.  Loud.  .....Oh, and fuss about selfies......

Yes. The beagle stole his wallet.

Chris's Mom

Chris's mom's 6 month tests came back and shows some areas of concern.  Spots on lung.  I fear her cancer has returned.   Praying for best on PET Scan next week.

That's all I can say about that......

Three Weeks

I've gained almost 10 pounds in three weeks.   Yoga is bad luck....

2014-2015 Nashville Predators

Well. Proud of the Preds!!  What a year after being called, last summer, worst odds for Stanley Cup. An amazing playoff round of boys vs veterans missing Shea Weber and Mr. Carrie Underwood for some games.

The bad part?  Ugh.  Put out by Chicago. Anybody but Chicago!  That hurts worst. The only thing I half way like about the Hawks is #91 and that's only because he was Ranger.

Yogurt class??

Talking to Chris's mom tonight and she asked where I was. I told her we had been to yoga class and Chelsea was taking me home.  Nana said. "Yogurt class? Do you run and jump in yogurt class?" Ohhhhh nana. You are precious.



Yoga tragedies again tonight.  Mexi-Wing after class.

Chris's mom...........

Chris's mom was diagnosed with lung cancer almost two years ago.  After all this time some check up tests have shown some new spots in her lungs.  PET scan next week.   Pray....

Predators Gift

A fellow horse lover and Predator fan sent Tanner and I Preds tshirts!

Coolest Ever. And no pink!

Doctor Today

Yuck.  Who likes to go to the doctor?  No one.  But one thing makes it great, family time.  My sister Lynette and nephew Tanner took me to today's appointment.  

Lunch at Tanner's favorite cheeseburger 

joint: Five Guys and Fries 

Follow my blog!

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Ami James

Well crap.  My big question for "Casting for Recovery" met a big fat no.  Which I knew it would.  I wanted to have a tattoo on my wrist-----No BP No Stick.  Hmmmm...the fact that a needle for the tattoo would be inserting ink into the arm where lymph nodes were removed did cross my mind as a contradiction.

But I hoped to meet Ami James.........

No Driving

After speaking with my doctor tomorrow I already know my driving privileges will be revoked for six months.  It's creates such difficults.  But I remind myself there so many, so many living with and in worse situations than I.

Life Lesson

Enduring one tragedy or hardship in life does not exempt one from someday experiencing more.......

Seizure

It's that time of the year, once per year, for my neurology appointment.  Of course it's been moved up a couple of weeks following my seizure a week ago.

There's nothing like coming to your senses in an ambulance, not remembering how you got there.  How strange to hear men in the back of a box saying "43 year old woman....seizure. ..blah blah...." talking about you. Me? No. No. No....it can't be. What happened!

I'd experienced the same five years or so ago on a busy day of work.  Coming to while  in a box with men in uniforms saying "38 year old woman....blah, blah, blah...."

Similar questions were asked on both occasions,  "do you know your name....do you know what happened....do you know your birthday....etc, etc."

The situation I awoke to on Saturday night seemed worse.  HOW did this happen?  In Knoxville!  I've been on anti-seizure medication for five years.

The first seizure, five years ago?   I had an inkling of where I was, had been.  This one? I was terrified! So surreal, knowing I was in an ambulance far from home, wondering how?  But how could this be me? I cannot put to words or paper the horrible, horrible confusion I felt trying to process in my mind what was happening and that it was happening to me. I wasn't watching some movie about someone else.

The ER was great at Tennova.   Very attentive and one nurse quickly realized the reason I fought silently against the blood pressure cuff was that I was a breast cancer survivor.  Pretty obvious to her as another nurse was taking my shirt off to exchange for a hospital gown.

She quickly asked which side my cancer had been?  (My horribly disfigured, ugly chest leaves to question which side or both.) I told her the right and the RN asked me about lymph node removal.  YES!  From right arm, where the cancer had been.

The nurse, luckily began removing the cuff to move to my left arm where a lymph nodes safely remain.  She also made sure the IV was placed in my left arm.

The younger nurse asked why and the RN explained breast cancer, lymph node removal and lymphedema - every survivor's worst nightmare.  What a great training experience for the younger nurse! I've had a similar situations with blood pressure cuffs and needle sticks, including one of my surgeries last year.  I am very quickly protective of my right arm and explain why.  Nothing like on the job training for nurses.  I truly am happy to have assisted in hopefully a few people in the medical field's awareness of breast cancer patients, lymph nodes and lymphedema.  I doubt that type of situation arises often in an ER.

The only bad-I wasn't fond of the doctor.   At all.

Questions ring so deep about what happened.  The last thing I remember is sitting at the red light looking at Wasabi while thinking I wish a friend and I could have met for dinner.

I must have went into the seizure at that point.  I don't remember my car going across five lanes of traffic to hit a car on the other side.  I would love to see a video. How on earth did that happen with minimal damage to my car and the car I hit?  How did no one hit me as my car went through five lanes of traffic.  I would also like to know how long the seizure lasted, amount of time I was unresponsive to stimuli, etc.

All I know is my guardian angel was on overtime to protect me on a busy Saturday night at 8 pm at the major red light in Turkey Creek-Lovell Rd cross.

All I also know is this post is a disjointed, rambling mess so I'll stop now.  Perhaps I'll return later to re-write.....

Grand Dog

Grandbaby of our Diesel and Ada Monroe.  Love.  Wish we had a Diesel/Ada Monroe baby.  They are both so old.  Hard decisions are fast approaching.  Decisions I don't think I can make.

What an adventure

What an adventure two of my friends and I had in North Carolina this weekend.  We'd not been able to spend time together in several years.  Several issues cropped up along our reunion.

I think the problems were on account of river running thru it....backward.

Blog later.

Lots of Grief

Okay folks.  I'm getting a lot of ribbing and grief over my fly fishing excursion.   I want a do over!  I swear I could make the whole weekend better and catch some trout.  My nervousness is gone replaced with aggravation of letting fears get in the way of what the weekend should have been.....

Excited about Saturday

Last weekend was spent "Casting for Recovery".  Saturday night is going to be spent with two friends from Knoxville who I rarely see.  Two great weekends in a row. I won't know what I'll do with myself I'm so excited!


Now.  To keep my vertigo, (which started yesterday) at bay....Geez my body hates me........

Baby Doll

My niece Jessie sent this text. Jack, her four year old (my great nephew)."

Jack was holding this baby and said "look, this looks like Chris!" I said who??? And he said "Chris, that lives at marny's house"! Hahaha!!!

Kinda does.....

Poison Ivy on my Face

Eek.  The poison ivy has decided to invade my cheek.  Oh well.  It has to heal at some point.  Right? Where's the bleach....

First game 2015 Stanley Cup Series

Tragically disappointed.  Nashville Predators lost the first game of the first round of the 2015 Stanley Cup playoffs against the Chicago Blackhawks.

Casting for Recovery group fishing picture

2015 Stanley Cup playoffs!

Tonight. First game. First round.

Poor Mallie

One of my favorite recent photos of my nephew Tanner and my great niece Mallie Belle.  My sister, her husband Greg, and Tanner, Jack and Mallie were hiking this week.  Lynette snapped this picture of what she said was one of Mallie's "emotional" meltdowns of the morning. Her Uncle Tanner was trying to comfort her.  Bless......

Spinner Bait

While eating tonight I shared stories about "Casting for Recovery" and my not so great job of learning to fly fish with two of my great nieces.

As I showed a picture of my first catch to Chelsea she said, "Marna. That looks like spinner bait."  Thanks Chels....

Yoga Tragedy

I began yoga with my niece and great nieces a couple weeks ago after a friend asked us to join.  Tonight we had around 8 other friends go to class with us.  

After class my two great nieces and I ate Mexi-Wing.  We are yoga tragedies....

Fly fishing = poison ivy

Eek!  Poison ivy.  I'll try scrubbing with bleach but it's to the doctor for a steroid shot I'd say.....

Oh No! Flies for fishing!!!

Oh no!  I feel really bad!  I realized as unpacking I totally had forgotten our box of free fly bait thingies in our borrowed waders for "Casting for Recovery"!  I'd say I was supposed to use those on the river!!!  My poor guide.  I wasted his flies........