Monday, December 8, 2014
When was a little girl my brother Gary had me convinced meatloaf was buffalo meat. Gary was 20 years older than I and died in 1979 at 27 nearly 28-I nearly 8. I don't think I believed the Buffalo meat story after he passed. But I did and do copy his favorite breakfast when possible.
When I sin, when I do something wrong, when I do something wrong in private, when I fail, I become ashamed. I become afraid of the judgement of others should they find out I've sinned in some way. The reason I fear others judging me? I don't want to let God down by having people doubt my walk. And do not want that sin to affect my family.
I often pray for God's protection after doing something I'm not proud of; to make sure my sins are not found. My thoughts quickly turn to "why should God help me? I've done something I'm ashamed of and here I stand asking Him to help hide my sin".
But isn't that faulty thinking about Christianity? And my relationship with God. When I ask why should God protect me from myself don't I turn that into a sort of works based faith? If I do this then God will do that. God will leave me hanging in a time of need. Because of sin. I'm not speaking of a continuing sin but rather a one time slip up. Too many in our society use God and forgiveness as a way to justify their continuing in a sinful behavior. That is not the situation I am referring too. That would fill another blog post! Whew!
I do believe God will sometimes let us fall on our face to teach us a lesson. But harm us by withdrawing protection from our enemies in a time of need? To do so goes against the Bible's teaching of His great love for His children. For me as His child.
My Bible has much hand writing in it. One of my quotes from "AR" (cannot remember who that is!):
"I am not just a sinner saved by grace. I am a child of God. I am Christ's friend. I am chosen and appointed by my Lord. I am a daughter of God. I am a member of Jesus's body. I am an heir of God. I am a saint. I am God's workmanship. I am chosen by God, holy and dearly beloved. I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, and I am what I am by the grace of God.
There are a couple of views of God and beliefs. My view and God's view. I must choose which I believe. It's hard to separate at times. My flesh tests what to believe. My strong will gets in the way of the fact that I am a child of God. He loves me and is there for me and will protect me from all evil which comes my way. And it's okay to ask Him to keep me from a fall after doing something wrong and feeling the immense conviction of the Holy Spirit. He doesn't wish for me to be harmed. He wishes success for me. Because He does love me. Loves me for just being me. Not for what I do for him. Not for trying to be a good person and follow rules of work.
However, once again, I'm not referring to a type of sin someone (not referring to myself either) continues in using forgiveness as a justification--God forgives me and I can ask for forgiveness every time I participate in a continuing sinful behavior. I'm talking about a one time slip up for which you want God to protect you from ramifications which would be harmful to friends and family.
I don't know if this makes sense. I don't know if what I'm trying to say is even Biblically sound. I don't know if I'm able to write the thoughts I'm having correctly. I know that this has been on my mind for sometime watching friends and family fall in the different pitfalls of sin-those who have a certain, one time sin issue and those who have a sin that they do not stop as they feel justified in forgiveness to continue. I know sin eats my thoughts constantly through the conviction of the Holy Spirit. I'm very confused how all Christians do not have the same response.....
I'll probably read this tomorrow and have a totally different opinion on what I've written. We'll see I guess.