Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Chris will refute till his dying days what I'm going to write about wifely duties haha

When momma died in 1990 cooking fell to me. ( I wasn't as good as her).  Three course country food.  Daddy didn't like leftovers and didn't care if we always have meat-Daddy could do without (but cornbread EVERY night).

When Chris and I married in 1996 and I carried the cooking tradition of country meals on.  Only Chris didn't have to have cornbread but had to have a meat.  No leftovers for Chris, just like daddy.

We ate late every night-around 8 or 9.  We'd be in barn and I'd quit around 8 to come in and cook supper.  Till 2006.  Then things changed in our lives to not cooking every night.

2010 Chris became the cook.  My chemo for a year then radiation for 36 treatments wiped me out.  He has turned into quite the cook and a much better homemaker than I. He was a fantastic nurse through 4 years of up and down illness.  I'll never,  ever be able to repay! Honestly.

Chris learned to cook "exotic" things.   No country cooking.  He cracks me up when he cooks.  He likes to add 50 different ingredients where I only used 2 or 3.  He learned things so now he prefers his meals best.  I cannot cook like he wants.  I can't win so I just let him cook.  He would correct everything I tried to cook sooo....I just stepped back and let him have at it. Ha ha. Chocolate in chili! I prefer my 3 ingredient chili.  lol.

I often feel guilty I've been a "bad" wife since illness.  It's hard to return to "Marna", the woman who began cooking for a father when she was 18, continued that tradition when married but now it's gone.  How do I go back to being "Marna" who had basically 3 jobs:  Work, then home to ride horses and clean stalls, and cooking large meals every night. No one can understand the almost impossible task of owning my life that was all encompassed of horses and cooking.  And add age 44 into mix of things and a body which will never, be the same.  Chris may want the old but things cannot go back.  Just forward to....chicken pesto pasta and exotic things Chris prefer.

Now I'm trying to be a better wife.  A year of keeping stalls pretty immaculate is over. Bone spurs in my neck, seizure leftover issues and now extreme arthritis in both hands and two fingers. There's just no way to continue the level of barn perfection I must have  (sorry customers, I'll try  more. Better.  I cannot stand unclean stalls.) Cleaning stalls exercise is better than paying gym fees.

I'll do my best to be in barn but no hang out time. I'm selfish and like my Christopher Robin time and my hodge lodge garden mess.  Chris promises to help with some great ideas.  Yea!