Blogging

Blogging has been a great experience. Except when nothing comes to mind other than short posts of topics generally added to Facebook or Twitter, which has been me for weeks.  I realize more and more that I'm not a very good writer.  Well, not that I haven't know for a while.  I used to be more careful in my stories and posts.  Agonizing over grammar and points I was trying to make, often returning to a published post making changes/updates that were worthless because those few who read have already done so and do not know of my new ideas for the subject.  Now I've become lazy, like most things in my life.

I almost never read or follow blogs.  Blogging is hard for a lot of people, the writer and the reader.  There is no instant gratification with "likes" or "comments" on Social Media.  Most want those and therefore stick to Social Media for glory.  (I don't consider blogging Social Media.) I don't claim not to enjoy instant gratification or the feeling that someone actually cares what I think and that I'm special/original in my writing.

This week I spent some time reading a blog I've not read before. I didn't agree with all the viewpoints presented but the blog was well written and interesting.  The blog hit me with something I've known for years:  I'm a middle of the road, mediocre writer, very much unlike the one I read.

I touch on subjects I know keep me safe, such as cancer.  I know a lot about it.  I know I have the right to be at least some level of expert on breast cancer.  I know that no one will challenge me on the opinions I have on the subject because I have the "C" card.  I belong to a certain group.  A small group.  A group no one can argue or judge you about what you have put to paper.  You've had cancer and survived it and have the risk of reoccurrence.  Whose going to challenge that and besides what would they challenge?

After working in the social worker field for around 15 years, specializing in working with domestic violence and their children, I feel passionate, but not an expert, about the subject even though many will and do argue about the causes and whose at fault, etc.  I can take it and will fight with my opinion.  However, still middle of the road.

Christianity, I'm very devote on my beliefs and faith.  I had no fear of death during cancer-chemo, radiation, all the surgery.  The experience was very surreal.  Looking back it feels like I never had cancer.  Strange.....  My faith in a future following death was strengthened by the lose of a brother, mother and father.  Loss of my own life was ok.  We all have to die.  I'm okay with that.  Not that I'm actually ready, want to die.  Sometimes I fear how I will die.  However, the actual part of death and life thereafter are what is okay with me.  I don't believe in pushing my beliefs onto others.  I love talking about my faith and sharing my faith but I don't impose.  I can write about it.  Middle of the road.

There are two other subjects, well three, where I have enough experience with to be considered okay to know enough to write on.  However, I doubt those will be put to paper.  They are outside my box. I'm a middle of the road writer.  It's safe there.  Those books I've alluded to happening throughout my blog?  They'll never, ever happen.  I'm a mediocre person living a mediocre life who will never take chances.  I'm Beatrice from "Dauntless" only the Beatrice who will never cut her hand, never drip her blood into another bowl, never become "Tris".

I'm just Marna.  I'm okay with that.