Do You See Him Through Me?

Do you see Him through me? It's a question I have asked myself for many years. My deepest hope is thru my life others will come to Christ. Many trials and tribulations have come into my life. Each of a different origin. Each a different thing. Sometimes emotional, sometimes physical, some brought on by myself. During each I try to meet with faith that God knows where I am and has a plan for what is going on in my life. I am not perfect, don't claim to be, will never be. I've been bad in my relationships with my family and friends. Done many things wrong to family and friends. But luckily most have been able to move beyond and forgive me for those wrongs.

In my weak times I begin to wonder if I am an especially bad person whom God needs to discipline to keep my eye on the prize. I can be full of pride, jealousy, greedy, gluttonous, hateful, spiteful, lazy, apathetic at times, hateful, moody. So many things that many people struggle with as well. I'm a child of God. God, as a parent, must discipline His children when they do wrong. Just as parents must discipline their own children. 

I don't want it to seem that I believe that God is a God with an iron hand just waiting to thwack anyone who gets out of line. It isn't like that. God loves us. He wants us to make good choices, go down the right roads. Sometimes when we sin God will put us back in line. Just as a good parent must do with their own children.

And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat. Luke 22:31. Sometimes this is what I wonder about-does satan wish to sift me as wheat?

The thing I've desired more than anything in my life, since I was a small child was to be used to Glorify God. For Him to use me in a way or ways to show Himself thru me. I've had many, many, many, many trials of everything you could imagine. I feel I've done an okay with my faith. Not so good at allowing those trials to be shared.

For years I've ask God to use me in a way that many could see Him thru me. Ever heard the song 'Jesus Bring The Rain". I've had some of things happen on small scales. I've had some on big scales. I've prayed to God for something to happen that would be big scale for witnessing and showing His life in me. That I am nothing without Him. Now I have breast cancer. Wow, this could be something God will use. I know he will if I will let Him. If I stay strong, keep the faith, look for the good in the situation. And there is much good in this situation. Do you see Him thru me? Don't see me. See Him. 

This is a big opportunity, my breast cancer, to show others the great things God has done for me. I have failed, utterly failed if people do not see Him thru me and get curious about why I love my Lord. I have a relationship with him. My biggest hope when I die is to walk before Him, or crawl, or fall down before Him or whatever I'll do because I'll have no idea what I would do. And to hear Him saw "Well done my good and faithful servant." Oh, how I hope to hear that!!!!!!

I would not change one thing in my life. Even the trials and bad that has fallen my way. My experiences are who make me Marna. And my reactions to all those trials give me the opportunity to let His light shine.