The complexity of the dynamics of domestic violence. I could sit here (while watching the chaos of Jump Jam) and write 100 pages of statistics, my thoughts and my opinions. There isn't time and honestly I don't have the energy.
I worked many years with victims of domestic violence. In the capacity at times as a volunteer, shelter worker, case manager, court advocate, community educator.
One thing which I heard repeated throughout was "we don't really care about the women just the kids. The innocent victims". Community members, government officials, court personnel, church members can all be extremely judgemental of women trapped in violent relationships. Though luckily I met more of those who were compassionate than not.
Once again I could go on and go on about how men trap women, the cycle of violence, statistics of those who stay or go, how to help and the most important of all.....safety planning. Leaving a batterer is a process, not an event. Once again. It's a process, not an event.
The one thing that sticks in my mind is why women often stay in these relationships. The kids. Usually not because women want the kids to not lose their father but the other way around.
Batterers use children to manipulate women into staying. They have threatened women with "if you leave me you'll never see our kids again" or "if you leave I'll take the kids out of state" or...."I'll kill the kids"... fathers kill kids everyday. These are real threats that women know he is capable if carrying out.
Leaving gives him weekend access. Unsupervised. In many instances her safety plan for her children is to stay in the home. Where she can protect her children. This probably isn't a conscious decision she talks her way through. But rather an internal, maternal instinct of protecting her little ones.
Luckily most find the courage to get the support to leave while protecting herself and her children.
Leaving is a process. Not an event.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Tellico Grains
Yesterday I drove to Tellico to drop the town's tax info off at City Hall. I thought I'd drop by Tellico Grains for some cookies or muffins for everyone in the office. Guess many folks had cravings. The line had probably 20 people. Sorry guys. No grain goods for you yesterday. ....
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