I hate using my Smartphone as an actual phone. Too complicated. But it's really great for texting and as a hand help computer and Kindle. Apps. I know what those are now. And love them! Especially since I found a Dollywood App and Nashville Predators App.
The weather on my main screen is awesome too. I've always loved watching the weather. Maybe it was because of Margie Ison. To me, as a kid, she was a celebrity. Daddy worked with her husband for a brief minute at TVA. Sooooo, I knew someone who knew someone who knew a celebrity!
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Following
For those following my breast cancer journey since 2010, hopefully my last, please last, surgery is Wednesday in Nashville. It's a reconstruction revision to heal the horrendous mess of a reconstruction from two years ago.
The decision to go through this surgery has taken two years since the last. A couple of weeks ago was my pre-op in Nashville. My sister Lynette and Tanner drove me and waited patiently all day through all the appointments. The minute we left Nashville I wanted to cancel. Usually it's where I want to eat lunch that is the struggle. Serious plans such as this? Once I decide and set the plans in life I go forward. I feel obligated to not turn back.
Since that December 2nd appointment I've been in turmoil. One half of the day I'm ready, the other half I'm ready to cancel. This has gone on and on and on. I believe I almost have an ulcer. Questions about different reasons why I shouldn't have the surgery and worry have overcome me. And I'm generally not a worrier. I don't like to waste time on worry. Does no good anyway.
The first reconstruction surgery was a very big one. This one will not be. Compare 14 hours in the operating room to 3 this time. Big difference. The first surgery, once decided, I was ready for. Scared but ready and eager to get it over with. This one? Ready to cancel from day one from setting up the operating room date and time.
I believe part of the problem is the not wanting of implants. The first surgery didn't require those and therefore of no thought or concern. This one will require them. Part of the problem, and I believe the biggest, is fear of having large breasts. This terrifies me. I was a full C before cancer. I do not want to be that again. I love winter because I'm a turtleneck kinda girl. I hate cleavage. I'm unlike any patient the doctor has ever worked with-I almost guarantee it. Even breast cancer reconstruction patients.
The surgery isn't in order to look better in clothes or for people. My sister is trying to keep me positive about the upcoming surgery and said "think how much fun you'll have buying new clothes!". I think she forgets I hate shopping and I'm modest. But she says I might find I like new types of clothes, like v necks, and enjoy shopping. Maybe she is right. We'll see....
I called the doctor's office Friday about my fears and sent an email. The research assistant called me and told me she had spoken with Dr. Maxwell and he wants to see me for one last consult on Tuesday before Wednesday. When she call I instantly knew I wouldn't cancel. I'll live through the breast and stomach drains. And the pain. I feel that he will take my needs and desires about size and reasons for the surgery into consideration. (I always thought he would but now feel absolutely sure of.)
Chris and I are going to the Nashville Predators game Tuesday night. Hoping for a nice distraction from the last journey ahead. And that the good mood I'm in from actually getting to go to a hockey game will keep me from backing out of the surgery on Wednesday. Predators! You better win so I'm in that good mood!!!
I'll report back throughout the week. Mostly on the hockey game I'm sure. Pray for me and my family. Pray for strength and peace and that we'll not have the problems of two years ago. Pray for the surgeons hands and healing of my body. Pray for blessings to my family and friends for all they have endured with patience and love and time spent on my care for three years. And pray I'll be able to find some sort of and be able to stomach massive doses of protein-which helps wounds heal.
The decision to go through this surgery has taken two years since the last. A couple of weeks ago was my pre-op in Nashville. My sister Lynette and Tanner drove me and waited patiently all day through all the appointments. The minute we left Nashville I wanted to cancel. Usually it's where I want to eat lunch that is the struggle. Serious plans such as this? Once I decide and set the plans in life I go forward. I feel obligated to not turn back.
Since that December 2nd appointment I've been in turmoil. One half of the day I'm ready, the other half I'm ready to cancel. This has gone on and on and on. I believe I almost have an ulcer. Questions about different reasons why I shouldn't have the surgery and worry have overcome me. And I'm generally not a worrier. I don't like to waste time on worry. Does no good anyway.
The first reconstruction surgery was a very big one. This one will not be. Compare 14 hours in the operating room to 3 this time. Big difference. The first surgery, once decided, I was ready for. Scared but ready and eager to get it over with. This one? Ready to cancel from day one from setting up the operating room date and time.
I believe part of the problem is the not wanting of implants. The first surgery didn't require those and therefore of no thought or concern. This one will require them. Part of the problem, and I believe the biggest, is fear of having large breasts. This terrifies me. I was a full C before cancer. I do not want to be that again. I love winter because I'm a turtleneck kinda girl. I hate cleavage. I'm unlike any patient the doctor has ever worked with-I almost guarantee it. Even breast cancer reconstruction patients.
The surgery isn't in order to look better in clothes or for people. My sister is trying to keep me positive about the upcoming surgery and said "think how much fun you'll have buying new clothes!". I think she forgets I hate shopping and I'm modest. But she says I might find I like new types of clothes, like v necks, and enjoy shopping. Maybe she is right. We'll see....
I called the doctor's office Friday about my fears and sent an email. The research assistant called me and told me she had spoken with Dr. Maxwell and he wants to see me for one last consult on Tuesday before Wednesday. When she call I instantly knew I wouldn't cancel. I'll live through the breast and stomach drains. And the pain. I feel that he will take my needs and desires about size and reasons for the surgery into consideration. (I always thought he would but now feel absolutely sure of.)
Chris and I are going to the Nashville Predators game Tuesday night. Hoping for a nice distraction from the last journey ahead. And that the good mood I'm in from actually getting to go to a hockey game will keep me from backing out of the surgery on Wednesday. Predators! You better win so I'm in that good mood!!!
I'll report back throughout the week. Mostly on the hockey game I'm sure. Pray for me and my family. Pray for strength and peace and that we'll not have the problems of two years ago. Pray for the surgeons hands and healing of my body. Pray for blessings to my family and friends for all they have endured with patience and love and time spent on my care for three years. And pray I'll be able to find some sort of and be able to stomach massive doses of protein-which helps wounds heal.
RAM!!!!!
My friend Patty, among other friends, have worked tirelessly for many, many months to bring Remote Area Medical (RAM) to Monroe County, TN January 18-19, 2014 at Sequoyah High School.
This is a FREE clinic which will provide:
- DENTAL: cleanings, fillings, extractions
- VISION: eye exams, FREE eyeglasses-as time and supplies permit
- MEDICAL: flu shots, primary exams, consults, behavioral health
- WOMEN'S HEALTH: mammograms (dear to me), pap smears
All services are FREE & provided by volunteer Health Care Professionals!
PLEASE REMEMBER: THIS CLINIC IS INTENDED FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE UNINSURED, UNDERINSURED, UNEMPLOYED, AND CANNOT AFFORD TO PAY FOR SERVICES.
To learn about RAM please visit www.ramusa.org
Rhonda (Bright) McDaniel
Chris and I went to Madisonville High School with Rhonda. I didn't know Rhonda as well as Chris did. Mostly I remember she was a beautiful, full of life girl who seemed feisty and fun! It was shocking when Rhonda was diagnosed with colon cancer several years ago. She was so young at the time. After a long, hard fight she won the first round.
Rhonda had some good cancer-free years afterward but sadly the disease came back with a vengeance. Rhonda is home with her sister Sheila, who, along with Hospice care for her.
Rhonda is bedridden, paralyzed from the waist down, on the strongest of pain medication and very weak. Although she is tough as nails and has the strongest will to live most have ever seen, she was given only two months to live. Being on disability has helped Rhonda with medical bills and expenses but she has no life insurance. The funeral home where arrangements have already been made was generous with the planning. However, the bill is still $5,000 requiring a $3,000 down payment.
Can you imagine the stress of knowing your death is imminent, you have four children aged 17, 15, 8, and 6 which you are saying good bye too and leaving behind all the while trying to explain life and death to them and dealing with the same issues for yourself, AND trying to find a way to pay to bury yourself???? I cannot imagine, no. I believe it would be hard enough not to be preoccupied with worry about my children's economic future and care. But then add the pain and fear Rhonda must be experiencing along with trying not to be a financial burden at the end of her life.Several people have come up with ways the community can contribute and help get burial expenses taken care of. Donations can be made at Mason's Furniture in Madisonville (423-442-2940). December 20th on the Epray Online Auction which can be found on Facebook by searching EPray Online Auction for Rhonda Bright McDaniel. All proceeds will go to Serenity Funeral Home in Etowah, TN. Or you may contact the funeral home directly concerning donations for funeral expenses at 423-263-6700.
A benefit BBQ dinner and bake sale was held at Donna's Old Town Café in Madisonville on December 10th and cleared $1,837.51!!
Loving friends who worked hard at the BBQ benefit
at Donna's Old Town Café. LeAnne McDaniel not in photo.
Please remember Rhonda and her family in your prayers. And please do not forget to continue to pray for her four children and their caretakers in the years to come. Those will not be easy years.
Chris and I at the BBQ benefit.
*Thank you Karen for the information and writing in the blog post!
Merry Scrooge'mis
Why does the Merry in Christmas seem to bring out the Scrooge in everyone these days? Next time I'm shopping I vow to let a car in front of me when either coming or going from parking. Also, if I see a parking space near the mall I'll not take that one but drive to the back of the lot. I need the exercise anyway. Shucks I might even let someone checking out behind me in front of me. Why am I in such a hurry for? I personally love the hustle and bustle of Christmas time. I need to slow down to enjoy it.
My Christmas tree in my office.
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