Maybe it's a combination of the two surgeries since Christmas, the hope of one to become more "normal" which resulted to a second surgery and the loss of that dream forever. Maybe the four or five in office procedures since then, and more to come, maybe it's the trauma so many friends and family have had recently that make me feel guilty for being vain. I dunno. I just know all of a sudden I remembered this wedding. I remember this was the FIRST time in all of my 37 years at the time that I'd ever worn a strapless anything. And I was so nervous during the fittings. I really did not want to wear that dress. I'd also never had that much make up on. It took a day to remove!
The wedding was such fun. Looking at the photos remind me of my breasts before cancer. I kinda liked them. Even though I hid them behind turtlenecks. The photos also remind me of my skin. My skin before chemo. Skin that didn't have horrible chemo spots. The hair. Thick. Natural. Teeth. Unharmed by chemicals. Eyes of brown. Now turned a sort of greenish brown.
These photos are silly. But it's fun to be silly from time to time. Perhaps the reason my mind brought these pics to mind is the fact that it was such a fun, carefree time. A time that has been lacking in the past four years. A time which in a hurry to heal this last bump in my road will be back again.
When I really think of it this Throwback Thursday it's one of memory of before cancer. But also the dreams of what life will be like after cancer-after the after affects are forever gone. It will be such. I'll make it such.
Silly boy!
Peanut taught me to sign. Not sure what it's called.
She had to TEACH me. I kept "throwing"
a peace sign. Not sure what the new sign and face
are called. But pretty sure it's not a peace sign.
I CANNOT dance. But tried.
Me and three of the other bridesmaids. We
had a great time getting ready. There was
a woman putting our make up on professionally
(I'd never be able to get so perfectly like she did!)
And also our hair fixed by a hairstylist. Felt
as though we were pampered and it was our special
day. I think our friend who was the bride wanted it
that way. I did do one thing for myself. Well two.
I did my own nails in a french manicure (gasp!)
And I ate a Bert's pizza. :)
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